I’ve got that Friday feeling! But it’s not that Fri-yay feeling that most get at about this time of the week. In fact, it’s the total opposite. I am already counting down the hours until Monday morning at 8.15am. Because that will see my little man arrive home with a huge hug and a fun-filled week ahead together, normal service will resume. Tonight, like many single parents, I had to send my entire world off on his way with a kiss and a promise of seeing him soon, as he spends the weekend with his dad. Anyone in my shoes will know, it is tough. Tougher than tough. Tough with a capital T!
I thought I would’ve got used to it by now, after two and a half years of handing over what is essentially my heart and soul to what has become a total stranger, is so very hard. Where will he go? What will he see? Who will he be with? How will he feel? Will he cry for me? Will he miss me? Most parents know the answers to these questions 24/7, but single parents know these questions only far too well. Don’t get me wrong, I am not some controlling crazy mother, but having big gaps of not knowing what your child is feeling and experiencing, I am not going to lie is difficult.
And if anything, as he has got a little older, a little more independent and able to understand more it has become harder. I want my child to feel an abundance of love and happiness, to feel listened to and understood. I want him to feel in control of his little world which as we know can have a huge impact on their development and their childhood. But talking to him and making sure he understands the routine, the patter of how it works, has been crucial to a happier handover (so to speak)! And a happy child, is a happy moma, right?
So, my goal this year is to turn my Friday feeling of sadness, childless and dread, to total FRI-YAY let’s get this weekend going baby! I know many parents out there have mastered this, and I would love to know their secret. Maybe it’s just time? Maybe it’s finding peace with the entire situation to which we find ourselves in, whether our choice or not? Or maybe it starts with just one little step?
It was exactly one year ago, that I resolved to rediscovering myself. Not in a ‘zen-getting-back-to-finding-my-inner-purpose’ or anything like that. But since becoming a parent, like most of us on this crazy parenting journey, my entire life changed the day I became a mom, when that little blue line appeared on that most magical of New Years Eves 2014. I have spent two years spending almost every moment making him safe, happy and feeling loved. And with hardly anytime to yourself, other than the time needed to call a client, write a report, wash up, put a wash in and order the weekly shop…… well I kind of forgot what I needed to make me feel great when I was ‘off-duty’. So, my mission; to begin to work out exactly what made me tick again. I hadn’t forgotten who I was, I had just become an even better, more whole version of myself. And so, I needed to work out what made this new fabulous me happy when ‘off-duty’.
I’m still working on it………. no magic formula to share on that I’m afraid. Not just yet anyway. But as my Insta feed shows, there are moments that, out of the blue, allow me to discover a little part of me again, to feel joy, love and realise that yes, I am an awesome mom AND I am also pretty good at other things too. And other things can make me smile.
Maybe then, when I go out and about, it won’t seem like every adult is accompanied by a child that makes my heart physically ache for my little one. I won’t feel the need to shout out “I have one of those too, I’m a moma too!!” Maybe I won’t then stay awake watching Trash TV until the wee hours to avoid trying to get to sleep knowing he won’t be nudging me to move up and snuggle in! And when I’ve come in from the supermarket, I won’t sit in my car ‘just checking my Insta notifications again’ that little bit longer, to avoid going into an empty, quiet (and super tidy) house. Nope, those days will be behind me. Necessary, but now gone.
So here it is…… I am drawing a line in the sand right here, right now with this glass of rose and a block of Cadbury by my side and setting the goal – My Friday will be a Fri-yay. That I too, will discover just how I can use this ‘down-time’ (not the best phrase to use admittedly), and use it to restore my energy, build an even better moma for that Monday morning high. Let’s do this. Are you with me?!
Raising your child as a single parent can be a lonely place to be at times and although I know there are many of us out there, the feelings and thoughts I get at times feel so personal to me, so mine and only mine. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with your Friday feeling? Has anyone found some tried and tested ways of taking back that time and making it ‘their’ time to be an even better version of themselves? I would truly love to hear about your stories, your experiences and any tips you may have!
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